Let's Talk: Understanding a Victim's Reality

A common question about domestic violence is, “why do victims stay?” and the answer to that is complicated.

It takes an average of 7 times for someone to leave an abusive relationship. A victim's reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with their threats. It is important to understand the abuse a victim is suffering from, in order to understand the fear, shame, and guilt they feel.

We need to understand that there are many barriers to safety in an abusive relationship; leaving is often the most dangerous time and it isn’t always the best, or safest option. We have to remember that a victim knows their abuser best and knows fully the extent to which the abuser will go to maintain control.

Although it is generally agreed that there is no specific ‘type’ of person who is more likely to be abused, there are general characteristics which people in an abusive situation tend to have in common. Someone experiencing domestic violence may exhibit some of the following characteristics:

  • Over functioning

  • Powerlessness

  • Guilt and/or shame

  • Decreased and/or low self-esteem

  • Fear

  • Blame themselves for the abuse

  • They may have been previously abused

  • Identity concerns

  • Passive or dependent behavior

  • Stress

  • Denial

  • Hope

Domestic violence survivors can face ongoing and challenging effects after enduring abuse and it can take time for a survivor to adjust to living in a safe environment. Someone who has been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship may experience some of the following effects as a result of abuse they endured:

  • Wanting the abuse to end, not the relationship

  • Living in fear of their, and their children's, safety

  • Isolation from friends and/or family

  • Distrust of people and systems

  • Feelings of guilt, shame, humiliation, and/or embarrassment

Leaving is a process but survivors do leave when they are ready. And when it is safe. It may feel natural to tell them to “just leave”, however, this is counter to what research says to do. A survivor must weigh their options and their resources.

If you or someone you know are in an unsafe relationship and may be thinking of leaving, creating a safety plan can help you, whether you decide to stay, leave, or are unsure what steps to take.  

We are always here for you when you need to talk. Call or text our 24-Hour Helpline: 216.391.4357 (HELP) or live chat.

 #DVAMcle #DVAM2023 #Every1KnowsSome1

journey blogMegan GergenJourney Center, Blog