Teen Dating Violence

Teen Dating Violence occurs when one person uses abuse in an intimate, dating relationship to establish and maintain power and control over their partner. This can include any form of sexual, physical, verbal/emotional, financial, and/or digital abuse.

It’s important to remember that all relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive with unhealthy somewhere in the middle. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship built on respect, trust, and equality. 

 Characteristics of healthy relationships are: 

• Respect - Listening to one another and valuing each other's opinions in a non-judgmental manner. Respect involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions.

• Healthy Communication – Safely and openly discussing feelings, thoughts, and ideas, even when there is a disagreement. 

• Trust and Support - Supporting each other's goals in life, and respecting each other's right to their own feelings, opinions, friends, activities, and interests. 

• Honesty and Accountability - Communicating openly and truthfully, admitting mistakes or being wrong, and accepting responsibility for one's self.

• Shared Responsibility - Making family/relationship decisions together, mutually agreeing on a distribution of work which is fair to both partners. If parents, the couple shares parental responsibilities and acts as positive non-violent role models for children.

• Individuality – Valuing one's partner as an individual with their own hobbies and activities. 

• Negotiation and Fairness - Being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.

• Non-Threatening Behavior - Talking and acting in a way that promotes both partners’ feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing themselves and engaging in activities.

It’s also important to know that every person has rights and responsibilities in their relationships. Rights and responsibilities allow each person to feel safe.

Statistics

• One in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

• Nearly one in five teenage girls who have been in a relationship report a boyfriend had threatened violence toward her or threatened to injure himself over a breakup.

• One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence.

• 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

• In one study, from 30 to 50% of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence.

• One in five (or 20%) of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.

• A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60% were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.

• More than 70% of pregnant teens or female teen parents are physically abused by their boyfriends.

The excitement of being in a relationship may stop you from seeing the warning signs of abuse. Remember, not all abuse is physical.  

Are you going out with someone who...

• Is jealous and possessive toward you, checks up on you, and belittles you in front of family and/or friends?

• Won't accept that you are breaking up with them?

• Tries to control you, doesn't like you being with friends, makes all the decisions, and doesn't take your opinion seriously?

• Scares you by their reactions to things you say or do?

• Threatens you by using weapons?

• Is violent, has a history of fighting or losing their temper, and brags about mistreating others

• Destroys or damages your personal property?

• Forces you to have sex or is aggressive during sex? Pressures you to have unsafe sex or send photos you do not feel comfortable sending? 

• Attempts to manipulate you or becomes too serious about the relationship too quickly?

• Uses drugs or alcohol and tries to get you to take them too?

• Blames you when they mistreat you or make you feel afraid or unsure? 

• Hits, chokes, punches, kicks, slaps, pulls your hair, or physically hurts you?

• Thinks women or girls are sex objects?

• Have your family and friends have told you they were concerned about your safety?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

Boundaries are another important aspect when determining the health of a relationship. Boundaries clarify where one person stops and the other begins. Each of us has boundaries, some of which go unspoken, in many areas of our lives. We set boundaries in regard to physical proximity and touch, the words that are acceptable when we are spoken to, honesty, emotional intimacy (such as how much we self-disclose to others). 

When one or both people in a relationship have difficulty with boundaries, the relationship suffers. It is important to set your boundaries in a relationship and to respect your partner’s boundaries. 

Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

• Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting

• Falling in love with anyone who reaches out

• Being overwhelmed or preoccupied by a person 

• Acting on the first sexual impulse

• Being sexual for partners benefit, not self

• Going against personal values or rights to please others

• Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries

• Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want

• Touching a person without asking

• Letting others describe your reality

• Letting others define you

• Believing others can anticipate your needs

• Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically

• Falling apart so someone will take care of you