Love Bombing: What is it?

When you first meet someone and start a relationship being “swept of your feet” can feel fun and exciting; having your partner shower you with love, affection, and affirmation feels good. However, abuse and love bombing, is not fun and is a sign that you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

Psychology Today defines love bombing as: “an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.” Love bombing is a form of verbal/emotional abuse and is often seen in the early stages of getting to know one another. When a (new) partner makes you feel loved and cared for we may dismiss the warning signs and feelings that “this is too good to be true.”

Domestic violence is about power and control and abusers will gradually turn attention and flattery into control and manipulation and begin to turn your feelings of uneasiness against you. How can you recognize the difference between the excitement and hope of new relationship and love bombing?

Common red flags of love bombing:

• Over-the-top, consistent compliments

  • Early in the relationship your new partner may say: “You are the answer to all of my prayers,” “I love everything about you”, and/or “You’re my soulmate.”

• Constant, intense communication throughout each day

  • Constant texts, calls, and/or messages, that you’re expected to respond to immediately.

  • New relationships and getting to know someone is exciting, but you should never feel overwhelmed or as though communication from your partner disrupts your day/tasks.

• Your partner lavishes you with gifts

  • This may include over-the-top gestures or trips, and not taking “no” for an answer.

  • They may insist that they pay for everything, even if you want to pay.

  • They may want to pay your bills as a way to “take care of you/your family”.

• Your partner is jealous of other people in your life and/or demands that you spend all your free time when them

  • They are annoyed or irritated when you spend time without them.

  • They want your undivided attention and may become pouty or make you feel bad when you’re not giving them the attention they want.

• Your partner pushes for commitment early in the relationship

  • They may pressure you to move your relationships at a pace you are not comfortable with: moving in together or being exclusive with who date.

  • Your partner says, “I love you,” within weeks of starting your relationship.

• Your partner may try to convince you that you’re soulmates

  • Things that they may say to you include: “We were born to be together,” “It’s fate that we met,” and/or “You understand me more than anyone ever has or ever will.”

• Your partner gets upset when you set boundaries

  • When you push to slow things down, spend time with people you love, or do your own activities or hobbies they will get upset and attempt to manipulate you to get what they want.

If any of these behaviors sound familiar it may be time to check in with yourself and your relationship. Like most things, relationships exists on a spectrum from healthy to abuse and NO ONE deserves to be abused or feel uneasy or unsafe in their relationship. If your relationship is moving to fast or you’re uncomfortable, talk with your partner- a safe, healthy partner will respect your boundaries and opinions and wants to support you and your feelings.

Remember, relationships and falling in love should be fun and comfortable, both partners should feel secure in their relationship and it’s pace, and you should feel safe in every aspect of your relationship.

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